Simply Brilliant!

God is the most intelligent Being and always creates ways to prepare us for the future. Today in class we discussed the 3 Ps in dating connected to the 3 Ps for the role of a husband and father in "The Family." How enlightening.

3 Ps for a date                       3 Ps for the Role of a Husband
Planned for >                         Preside
Paid for >                               Provide
Paired off >                            Protect

Dating can either be super fun...or dreadful really. Either way, God has provided a way for men to better understand their roles as a husband and father even before becoming one! For a date to be considered a date, it must be planned, paid for, and paired off (As Elder Oaks explains). As a man plans for what they'll be doing, he is invested and spending time to make it something they both would like to do. He takes the initiative to ask, he is proactive, and puts some effort into showing that he is at least looking forward to the date. He is preparing to preside for his family by doing this, not necessarily making all the decisions by himself, but initiating and making things happen in his family. This can also help him prepare for being the head of household in the family. Having a date paid for doesn't mean you have to go out and spend tons of money, but that he provides the resources for the date. This is helping a man learn how to provide for the family. When a date is paired off, first, there is no confusion as to who is on a date with who, or even knowing if you are even on a date.  During the date, the man should be committed for that evening so she feels secure and emotionally cared for. He is aware of her needs. By taking her out, essentially, he is responsible for her and accountable for his agency. There can be boundaries created for the first date to instill protection. This allows men to prepare for protecting his family. SIMPLY BRILLIANT!

The best predictor of future behavior is based on past behavior and current behavior.
In a relationship there needs to be a sense of togetherness, communication, and quality time spent to better understand each other. As we court we should share a variety of activities and see each other in all "four seasons" to know how someone could react in certain situations. We shouldn't limit ourselves to what we do. We need to go out and have fun doing it! There is casual dating that leads and prepares us for steady dating, that in the end will eventually lead us to a celestial marriage. the way you start your marriage is usually how the marriage will stay. Most women marry thinking "Things will change," but most men marry thinking, "I hope things don't change." We can prepare for our roles as husband and wife as we date now.

One of the BEST talks from this class on dating and marriage is below. I KNOW, I KNOW, who wants to read another talk, but it's THAT good!!

http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=215 <<<<READ ME.

I'm a girl.

It is so important to understand gender because there are roles and responsibilities that come with it. We know that our gender was determined before we even got to earth. I believe that when we understand and embrace our gender and our roles, out society would work better and there would be less contention. There is a quote from President Hunter which I love. He states, "I hope the time never comes when women will be brought down to the level with men. When women come to the point of realizing that it is more important to be superior than to be equal, they will find the real joy in living those principles that the Lord has set out in his divine plan."

A boy trying to be a girl and a girl trying to be a boy is not the answer. We can only live up to our divine potential if we understand our gender roles. As we work together in a marriage, we can become unified and be more complete experiencing eternal happiness. Elder Bateman said, "Spiritual growth is enhanced because of the differences" that we have. Gender is key. It is part of the plan. There are some roles that men can accomplish and other that women are better at. Guess what? THAT'S OKAY. Equality doesn't mean that we have to be the same. The analogy of the airplane is a perfect example, wings are needs on both side equally working together, but are opposite.

Men and women complement each other. God made us that way. We can become whole, completed, and perfected as we work together embracing our different gender roles.

Does it Really Matter?

There are many things that categorize our social class. Which class we "belong" to can be dependent on how much money we have or make, status, socialization, behavior, how much money we spend, perceptions, attitudes, location, education, opportunities, advantages, and simply our lifestyle. Whether we realize it or not, we are each part of a social class. It's so interesting to see that so many things influence which social class we belong to. Our social class can affect us in many ways. Usually by simply looks and actions one can tell what social class one is a part of. Can you tell? Does it really matter what social class you belong to?

In this Youtube video below, you can recognize just how much this teenager does not like his social class, so he does what he can to act like he is part of a "higher class" by treating not only his mother poorly, but even his brother. While watching "Tammy's Story" it was really hard not to feel bad for her because of how her oldest son treats her, especially after hearing the life she came from. I'm sure she feels she has done really well for herself considering. She is living in a really low class, and you can just tell she is struggling trying to do the best she can. I also felt bad for the oldest son because he is trying to live as in he is in an "upper class," but apparently part of that is "behavior" treating other poorly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8VXrHeLqBA&feature=related

 

Where are the boundaries and what are the rules?

Every family is considered a system. Each family have their own boundaries and rules. Some boundaries and rules in a family are more evident than in others, but they are there.

What are some rules I have seen in my family?

• Don't roll your eyes.
• Don't talk back, especially to mom because then dad gets mad.
• Pick up your stuff and put it in your room.
• Don't say "shut up" and those type of words.
• Dad can do funny things to everyone else, but if you do it to him, he might get upset.
• Never pick food out of a pot with your hands.
• After asking permission from one parent, we have to ask the other parent as well.
• Clean up after you use something.
• Don't open the door to strangers.

Now we usually know what a "rule" is in the family because we experience the consequences of doing it, or for me, watching my older siblings and not doing something if they got in trouble for it.
Other rules we just know, like turning off the lights when you are not in a room, or turning the air conditioning off if you leave the house.

There are different theories that families can be placed in, and throughout life, that system can change. I'll focus on the Systems Theory. In this theory, the family is viewed more as a whole instead of parts, members of the family have specific roles, there are routines, traditions, rules and boundaries.

"Family boundaries define who’s responsible for what, how parents and children interact, and how the family relates with the outside world." (Paul Hokemeyer)

Three boundaries I'll mention are:

• Clear boundaries- are firm yet flexible (Ideal, highest functioning families)
• Rigid boundaries- family members are isolated, there is not much support or dependency
• Diffused boundaries- there is a blurring of the line between children and parents. It's not clear.

WHAT'S YOUR FAMILY LIKE?