Where are the boundaries and what are the rules?

Every family is considered a system. Each family have their own boundaries and rules. Some boundaries and rules in a family are more evident than in others, but they are there.

What are some rules I have seen in my family?

• Don't roll your eyes.
• Don't talk back, especially to mom because then dad gets mad.
• Pick up your stuff and put it in your room.
• Don't say "shut up" and those type of words.
• Dad can do funny things to everyone else, but if you do it to him, he might get upset.
• Never pick food out of a pot with your hands.
• After asking permission from one parent, we have to ask the other parent as well.
• Clean up after you use something.
• Don't open the door to strangers.

Now we usually know what a "rule" is in the family because we experience the consequences of doing it, or for me, watching my older siblings and not doing something if they got in trouble for it.
Other rules we just know, like turning off the lights when you are not in a room, or turning the air conditioning off if you leave the house.

There are different theories that families can be placed in, and throughout life, that system can change. I'll focus on the Systems Theory. In this theory, the family is viewed more as a whole instead of parts, members of the family have specific roles, there are routines, traditions, rules and boundaries.

"Family boundaries define who’s responsible for what, how parents and children interact, and how the family relates with the outside world." (Paul Hokemeyer)

Three boundaries I'll mention are:

• Clear boundaries- are firm yet flexible (Ideal, highest functioning families)
• Rigid boundaries- family members are isolated, there is not much support or dependency
• Diffused boundaries- there is a blurring of the line between children and parents. It's not clear.

WHAT'S YOUR FAMILY LIKE?